What do you think of my story?

It has been thought that everyday is different from another, what may have been seemingly the same setting. Has changed from the way the sun burned in the sky . Or the a little girl, wishes to be loved, but there was nobody around to help her through the quiet and lonesome night. In the cold , quiet night , she lie in a corner with her eyes, glowing anicently in the night.\par


She looked around at the fire infused from outside her window , she listened to the guys sitting around in a circle . At the drunk bastards , at twevle she was starting to understand, that she needed to escape. Before long, their flirting would hurt her, like the girls, she saw them bring over from the strange land. With their hands tied behind their backs, clothing barely covering the girls bodies . Everytime they bring over these girls, she hides in a corner, somewhere dark. She watches how obediently , they force their bodies on the ground, underneath. While someone cuts in them, without any feeling. She didn't know what they were doing, what real caring, and compassion was, or meant. But in her heart she know, their had to be something more,than the way those girls got treated.


Looking around at her surroundings, in the chill of the night, she took the only light she had got. Some old lantern hanging on the door, that night she made up her mind to found somewhere , found a new safe heaven .


She snook into one of the mens room , went into the closet, to get one of their fur leather jackets. It was cold that night, she would more installation than her ragged dress, with bare feet, she need a good pair of decent boots. But she went around everywhere, all the chores, her master made her, she did in her bare feet, so that was her only option. With her slender brown hair her put up in her last deer skin, pony tail holder . Grabbing her slash, stole all the gold , where her masters hide it from intruders. They didn't think she knew where it was. Although, she had been anywhere, since she had been sold, didn't know altogether the importance of the gold. She had an idea, that it was important. When she saw, her masters exchanger it for yeast, and other tools , foods. Took enough meat to last her couple of days , planning to walk to the nearest town. It wouldn't be long till her masters came back in she would feel and hear the wind growing stronger, her master would came back in from the bon fire outside.\par


Standing tall, stronger, large oversized fur coat , she put on the hoodie around her head. Long brown bangs dangling in front of her brown eyes. She went out to find, and fight the night.





Her bare feet felt the first cold steps , with the cold ground beneath her. The air choking her deep breathes,from the cold harsh air . Getting further and further, with every lounge of a step she took deep into the unknown forest. The more she contemplated whether she should turned back, the woods surrounding her in the black of the night. She didn't whether she was heading deeper in the wilderness or closer to the outside.

What do you think of my story?
Your story is very good, but your sentence structure and general grammar needs some editing: pronominal possessives need to be indicated by punctuation; there are some superfluous commas that are not needed with conjunctions and some conjunctions that need punctuation, etc. Line editing comes with time. Right now, I think, you have the general idea of a beginning, middle, and end of the story; you have the idea of character (the reader's heart rends for your protagonist); you have the idea of setting. Your descriptions are good, if not a bit florid, and your POV in the story was pretty solid. Your spelling and grammar just needs to develop more with your already developed gift of storytelling. I'd like to read more of your stories. :-) Alex
Reply:i like her outfit
Reply:you souldnt post theses things on here someone mughtstela this idea
Reply:i like it but you really need to get your grammar sorted. it's very messy



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