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Cassie was ready for a weekend of skiing in Aspen, Colorado. She and her Best Friends Kari, Dee, and Alexia where going on a ski trip with Cassie's family.


Cassie's mother Ms.Montel bided her good bye. Cassie zipped up her gold North Face Ski Jacket with fur around the hood. She Tucked the True Religion Jeans into her black Chanel snow boots. And grabbed her Louis Vuttion duffel Bag.


The Montel Family Hummer was warm unlike the Rye, New York Air. “Duke does the usual morning carpool route then to Westchester County Airport”. Cassie stated to the family driver. Cassie looked out the window at the snow on the ground and the bare trees.





They pulled up to Alexia family’s large Victorian style home. Out side on the front stoop was Alex wearing her new maroon Juicy Couture Puffer Jacket. Alex was carrying her Betsy Johnson leopard print duffel. Her Eugenia Kim Dion Knit Hat covered part of her glossy dark hair. When Alexia’s So Low cover legs and Ugg covered feet walked into the hummer most people would have thought she was a model. But Cassie was used to it.


“ Ehwmagawd Cassie we are going to have so much fun skiing or just relaxing this weekend” proclaimed Alexia.


“Omg I know” said Cassie. As she pulled out her Fluff Cup Cake Cosmetic Bag out of her pink Chanel Logo tote bag. She un-zipped her cosmetic bag and pulled out her Blush Lip Fusion Plump Color Shine, her Dior Backstage Eye Show Shadow, and a Nars Eyeliner Pencil.


By the time she was done with Make up they arrived a Dee’s large brick Colonial Style home. Dee was decked out with a Pucci abstract print ski jacket. She was carrying the new Gold Cote d'Azur Overnight Bag. Her Burberry plaid scarf sat daintily on her neck. There was little time for chit-chat . Because right around the corner was the luxury building the Mariner . Kari was on the front green waiting in a Purple North face Ski jacket holding her Le Sportsac over nighter

Do you like this story beging?
I do like it. It sounds like it is going to be a very interesting story! And I love how it shows your knowledge of fashion. Some of those brands even I have never heard of!!! Plus my boyfriend has a burberry scarf too and he loves it! Good job!
Reply:You overemphasize on the products worn. Usually when I write, I subtly endorse products. You also capitalize things that do not require capitalization, such as "Best Friends", "Tucked", and "Make up". You have also placed a period between two clauses "She Tucked the True Religion Jeans into her black Chanel snow boots. And grabbed her Louis Vuttion duffel Bag." Nice try though.
Reply:i love it its very catchy and creative. it sounds like a nice begining for a novel. i would want to keep reading to see what its all about and what happens
Reply:its very awsome



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