Read my story, tell my your opinion of how its going?

Read tell me what you think, please.?


It has been thought that everyday is different from another, what may have been seemingly the same setting. Has changed from the way the sun burned in the sky . Or the a little girl, wishes to be loved, but there was nobody around to help her through the quiet and lonesome night. In the cold , quiet night , she lie in a corner with her eyes, glowing anciently in the night.


She looked around at the fire infused from outside her window , she listened to the guys sitting around in a circle . At the drunk bastards , at twelve she was starting to understand, that she needed to escape. Before long, their flirting would hurt her, like the girls, she saw them bring over from the strange land. With their hands tied behind their backs, clothing barely covering the girls bodies . Every time they bring over these girls, she hides in a corner, somewhere dark. She watches how obediently , they force their bodies on the ground, underneath. While someone cuts in them, without any feeling. She didn't know what they were doing, what real caring, and compassion was, or meant. But in her heart she know, their had to be something more,than the way those girls got treated.


Looking around at her surroundings, in the chill of the night, she took the only light she had got. Some old lantern hanging on the door, that night she made up her mind to found somewhere , found a new safe heaven .


She snook into one of the mens room , went into the closet, to get one of their fur leather jackets. It was cold that night, she would more installation than her ragged dress, with bare feet, she need a good pair of decent boots. But she went around everywhere, all the chores, her master made her, she did in her bare feet, so that was her only option. With her slender brown hair her put up in her last deer skin, pony tail holder . Grabbing her slash, stole all the gold , where her masters hide it from intruders. They didn't think she knew where it was. Although, she had been anywhere, since she had been sold, didn't know altogether the importance of the gold. She had an idea, that it was important. When she saw, her masters exchanger it for yeast, and other tools , foods. Took enough meat to last her couple of days , planning to walk to the nearest town. It wouldn't be long till her masters came back in she would feel and hear the wind growing stronger, her master would came back in from the bonfire outside.


Standing tall, stronger, large over sized fur coat , she put on the hoodie around her head. Long brown bangs dangling in front of her brown eyes. She went out to find, and fight the night.





Her bare feet felt the first cold steps , with the cold ground beneath her. The air choking her deep breathes,from the cold harsh air . Getting further and further, with every lounge of a step she took deep into the unknown forest. The more she contemplated whether she should turned back, the woods surrounding her in the black of the night. She didn't whether she was heading deeper in the wilderness or closer to the outside. Though she just kept on going, holding the lantern way above her ahead to see ahead. The many shadows, from the trees bouncing from the wind ,making many haunting shapes on the ground. Up above the sky , the moon was covered within the storming clouds , you could see yellow highlights, just enough to give the night character, craziness with the wind blowing the lantern so carelessly.





The young girl, rambling through the lost night, something was following her in the back ground. Watching the powerful struggling through dooms way , watching the fear being conquered., hissssss, hiss , silently. Eyes , yellow shimmering , a tranced yellow, deep focused pupils. Sleek manicured body , curving perfectly in the branches and under bush of the magical forest. Lami-minou spying for supper through the forest , on his usual hunts came upon this girl from the caverns hunt. He kept a watch on the men , quite often because they were mischievous and vicious bunch of fellows, that shouldn't and none of the animals in the forest trusted. Though neither did they trust Lami-minou for good reason, his curiosity got to him. But here was this girl, late at night , rushing out, though she looked worried, frightened. He was curious because never seen the girl around, in all the hours of his spying.


Through the cold wind whiskered flow, furry bushy, mustache flowing fluffy as baby chicks feathers, of grey and white. Rounded head, wise mans , old grandpa , flair about him. Thick paws , silently pressing the ground beneath, flowing the trails .





Mind racing , eyes frozen , the air breathing, deathening , mind racing .Where should one go, in the middle of this lonesome night, What should one do? By the time, the clouds covered the moon, that guided her way. Standing still, everything seemed silent, her mind racing , though deary silence , silently without a answer. One thing was for sure she needed some rest , her feet ached in pain,instinctively she knew. Looking for some place , that seemed secure, looking back at the night sky , the clouds moving to shelter the moons light , once more. Found a stop between to might oak trees , gathered some branches together , took spark of light from her lantern helped to make a fire to keep it some heat . She took off her coat , put it on top of her , like a blanket to keep in some heat as well. Though it barely helped, her eyes slowly drifted off into deep sleep.

Read my story, tell my your opinion of how its going?
you need to be an author.....your ah-mazing! omg. i dont even know what to say.....
Reply:it looks good so far but you may want to check your spelling and grammar.
Reply:Pretty choppy flying here, PilotMonika.





I suggest you re-write in complete sentences, and let the idea of one sentence flow more easily into another.





That's all for now. Over and out.



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